201+ Funny Murder Puns and Jokes

Last Updated on October 18, 2024 by Tomi James

If you’re in the mood for dark humor and clever wordplay, you’re in the right place. These murder puns and jokes will have you laughing so hard you’ll be guilty of cracking up! 😜 Explore 201+ hilariously dark murder jokes that will tickle your funny bone! Perfect for fans of dark humor and witty one-liners. Click now!

Whether you enjoy crime-themed humor or just appreciate a clever play on words, these jokes will tickle your funny bone in ways you never expected. Prepare for a killer good time! 🔪🤣

Killer Instinct Jokes

• I tried to kill time, but it died of boredom. 🕰️😅
• My job as a hitman was going great… until my boss gave me the axe! 😜🔨
• Murder on a full stomach? That’s a gut-wrenching experience! 🍽️🔪
• He said my jokes were killer… so I took it as a compliment. 💀🤣
• The detective couldn’t figure out why the butcher quit. Turns out, he couldn’t cut it anymore. 🥩🔪
• A ghost tried to scare me, but I told it to drop dead. 👻💀
• Why did the chef break up with his knife? It was always too sharp for comfort. 🍴😂
• I saw a murder scene at a grocery store… guess someone didn’t want to pay their bills. 🛒😱
• I went to a crime scene investigation party, but it got criminally boring. 🕵️‍♂️🥱
• They said my puns were to die for… so I took them seriously. 🤭

Murder Mystery Party Jokes

• I attended a murder mystery party, but I got away with murder—everyone thought it was part of the act! 🎭🔪
• At the murder mystery party, I thought I’d killed it with my jokes… turns out, they were the real victims. 😵😂
• When the detective said “case closed” at the party, I asked, “So, where’s the next victim?” 😈🔎
• I tried to tell a killer joke at the murder mystery, but it was a little dead on arrival. 🚑💀
• Why did the detective go to the party? He wanted to find out who was dying to have fun. 😎🔪
• At the murder mystery, I made a lot of new friends… too bad they were all ghosts by the end of the night. 👻💀
• The only thing suspicious about my party? The way I absolutely killed it in the costume contest! 🎭🔪
• Everyone was guilty of something at the party… especially that terrible punch. 🥤😷
• I solved the mystery before anyone else. Turns out, the killer was the host—for serving such awful snacks. 🍕🔍
• The funniest part about the murder mystery? I didn’t even have to stab anyone for them to laugh at my jokes! 🤣🔪
• I asked the detective if he wanted a drink… he said, “Only if it’s not poisoned.” 🍸😏
• The killer left a note, but it was just a grocery list. Guess they were dying for some bread. 🍞🛒
• Someone at the party claimed they were innocent. I said, “That’s what they all say!” 😜🔍
• At the end of the night, I was the last one standing… the rest were dead tired. 😴💀
• The host asked me if I had fun. I replied, “I had a killer time!” 🔪😆
• The lights went out at the party, and I screamed, “It’s murder in the dark!” 🔦😱
• Everyone suspected me of the crime… I guess I just have a killer personality. 😜🔪
• The detective said the case was tough. I told him, “Well, that’s the mystery of it!” 😏🔍
• The butler did it… I swear, I saw him killing it on the dance floor. 🕺💃
• My biggest regret? Not bringing more puns to the murder mystery party. They were to die for. 😂💀

Serial Killer Jokes

• Why don’t serial killers use cell phones? They prefer to keep their calls dead. 📞😈
• I told a serial killer a joke… he said, “Stop, you’re killing me!” 🤣🔪
• What’s a serial killer’s favorite cereal? Cheerios, because they like cutting holes. 🥣🔪
• The serial killer couldn’t finish the crossword puzzle because he didn’t know what was cutting edge. ✏️😱
• Serial killers hate surprises… except when they’re the ones giving them! 😜🔪
• A serial killer walks into a bar… and says, “I’ll take a stab at that drink menu.” 🍸🔪
• What’s a serial killer’s favorite movie? Slice of Life. 🍕🎬
• The police tried to catch the serial killer but he was always one step ahead—he left no crumbs behind. 🍞😎
• I tried to invite a serial killer over, but he said he was busy—chopping vegetables for dinner. 🍴🔪
• The only thing a serial killer is good at? Leaving a lasting impression. 😏🔪
• Why don’t serial killers tell jokes? They don’t want to slay their audience. 😂🔪
• I asked a serial killer to do my laundry, but he said he only does clean kills. 🧼🩸
• The detective said I had killer instincts… turns out, he was right! 😜🔍
• Serial killers love puzzles—especially ones they can put their victims into. 🧩🔪
• I asked a serial killer to cook dinner, but he only wanted to make cold cuts. 🥩❄️
• The serial killer gave me directions, but it led to a dead end. 😵🔪
• What’s a serial killer’s favorite weather? Stormy nights, when the lights go out. ⛈️🔦
• I went on a date with a serial killer… it was dead silent the whole time. 🕯️😶
• The serial killer opened a bakery… turns out, he’s great at making killer cupcakes. 🧁🔪
• I told the serial killer my best joke, and he just said, “Nice, but I’ve heard that one a million times.” 😏🔪

Crime Scene Jokes

• The crime scene was suspicious… but it was nothing a good cleanup crew couldn’t handle. 🧼🔍
• Why was the detective always calm at the crime scene? He had nerves of steel. 🕵️‍♂️😎
• I walked into a crime scene, and the only thing I could think of was, “I hope this isn’t my fault.” 😳🔪
• The detective told me I should start cleaning up my act… turns out he meant the crime scene! 🧽😱
• At the crime scene, I told the officer, “I think we’ve got a real mess on our hands.” 🩸🧹
• They found a clue at the crime scene—it was just me being clueless as usual. 🤷‍♂️🔍
• The crime scene was so obvious, even a blind man could have solved it. 😎🕶️
• Why don’t criminals clean up after themselves? Because they don’t want to leave a spotless crime scene! 🧼🕵️‍♂️
• The only thing scarier than a crime scene? The detective’s fashion sense. 😅👖
• When I got to the crime scene, the first thing I noticed was the overwhelming smell of failure. 🤢💀
• I couldn’t stop laughing at the crime scene—it was murder on my sides! 🤣🔪
• Why did the crime scene investigator get kicked out of the bar? He couldn’t stop asking for evidence. 🍸🔍
• The crime scene was perfectly set up, like a work of art… too bad the artist was a killer. 🎨🔪
• I told the crime scene photographer to take a picture of me, but he said I was already in enough trouble. 📸💀
• When I arrived at the crime scene, I just knew I was going to be framed. 🖼️😅
• I tried to make a joke at the crime scene, but it fell flat… like the victim. 💀🔪
• The detective gave me a dirty look at the crime scene, but I told him, “I didn’t do it!” 😇🔪
• The crime scene smelled like roses… except, you know, for the dead body. 🌹😱
• They told me to walk carefully at the crime scene—I didn’t want to step in it. 🕵️‍♂️😅
• I walked into the crime scene and said, “Is this a bad time for a selfie?” 🤳😂

Detective Jokes

• Why did the detective break up with his girlfriend? She was too much of a mystery for him. 🕵️‍♂️💔
• The detective couldn’t figure out who stole the cheese… it was a real whodunit! 🧀🔍
• I asked the detective how he stays so focused. He said, “It’s all about staying sharp.” 🕵️‍♂️🗡️
• Why did the detective start a band? Because he had a good ear for clues. 🎶🔍
• The detective tried to solve the crime, but he got lost in thought—and never found his way back. 🧠🔪
• When the detective entered the room, I knew things were about to get serious… dead serious. 😵🕵️‍♂️
• The detective found the missing candy… it was a real sweet case. 🍭🔍
• When the detective solved the crime, he said, “Elementary, my dear Watson.” And I replied, “This isn’t elementary school.” 😜✏️
• The detective asked if I knew anything about the murder. I told him, “I’m just here for the punchline.” 🤣🔪
• Why don’t detectives make good chefs? Because they can never spice up their meals. 🍽️🕵️‍♂️
• The detective always knew what was coming—he had a sixth sense for plot twists. 📖🔍
• At the crime scene, the detective asked me if I saw anything. I said, “Only your bad haircut.” 💇‍♂️😅
• When the detective took off his hat, I knew it was time to get serious… or maybe he just had hat hair. 🎩😜
• I told the detective I didn’t do it, and he said, “That’s what they all say!” 😏🔪
• The detective had a hard time catching the suspect… guess he didn’t have the right footprint for the job. 👟🔍
• I tried to be a detective, but I kept getting distracted by all the clues. 🕵️‍♀️💡
• Why don’t detectives play poker? They can’t stop bluffing their way to a solution. ♠️😏
• The detective said I was a suspect, but I was clueless the entire time. 🤷‍♂️🔍
• The detective solved the case faster than I could say, “Mystery solved!” 🕵️‍♂️😎
• Why don’t detectives ever laugh? Because they’re always trying to keep a straight face. 😐🔍

Forensic Scientist Jokes

• Why did the forensic scientist refuse to go out? He couldn’t stop thinking about the dead body. 😱🧪
• I asked the forensic scientist if he liked his job. He said, “I love getting into the guts of it.” 🧬💀
• Why was the forensic scientist late to work? He got stuck in a blood drive. 🩸🚗
• The forensic scientist said, “I’m good at my job because I’ve got an eye for detail.” 👀🧪
• When the forensic scientist smelled something foul, he knew it wasn’t just the evidence. 🤢🧬
• Why do forensic scientists make bad cooks? They always need to find the perfect formula. 🍲🧪
• The forensic scientist solved the case with a single hair… talk about splitting hairs! 🧬🔍
• Why did the forensic scientist laugh at the crime scene? He found the situation humerus. 🦴🤣
• The forensic scientist asked if I wanted to join the team, but I told him, “I’m not into digging up old bones.” 🦴😅
• What’s a forensic scientist’s favorite holiday? Autopsy-turkey Day! 🦃🧪
• Why did the forensic scientist start a bakery? Because he wanted to slice his way through the evidence. 🧁🔪
• The forensic scientist got a new microscope… now he’s really seeing things in detail. 🔬👀
• I asked the forensic scientist if he ever got grossed out. He replied, “Only when the crime scene is a kitchen.” 🥘🤢
• The forensic scientist can always tell when something smells off… it’s in his blood. 🩸🧬
• Why don’t forensic scientists ever play hide and seek? Because they always find the missing pieces. 🕵️‍♂️🧩
• The forensic scientist made me a sandwich, but I said, “No thanks, I don’t want it cold-cut.” 🥪😅
• Why do forensic scientists love their jobs? Because they get to put the pieces together. 🧩🔍
• The forensic scientist said he loves his job because it’s full of hands-on work. 🖐️🧪
• Why did the forensic scientist bring a mop to work? He had to clean up after the last case. 🧼🩸
• The forensic scientist said his favorite subject in school was chemistry… now he’s always in the lab. 🧪🧬

Victim Jokes

• The victim told the detective, “I’m just dying to know what happened!” 😵🔍
• The victim looked up and said, “I guess this is what they mean by dead tired.” 😴💀
• Why did the victim start laughing? He realized the joke was on him… quite literally. 😂🔪
• The victim told the killer, “Thanks for stabbing me, I really needed to be cut off from life.” 😵🔪
• What did the victim say to the detective? “I swear, I didn’t see the punchline coming.” 😬💥
• The victim had one last wish: “Please tell everyone I went out with a bang!” 💥🔪
• When the detective asked what happened, the victim replied, “I guess I just got stabbed in the back.” 😵🔪
• The victim didn’t have a chance… he was in the wrong place at the wrong punchline. 🤦‍♂️🔪
• The victim said, “I always knew I was a dead man walking, but this is ridiculous!” 😜💀
• Why was the victim smiling? He finally found peace and quiet. 😇💀
• The victim knew it was over when he heard, “This one’s going to be killer.” 😵🔪
• What did the victim say after getting hit by a knife? “Well, that was a sharp turn of events.” 🔪😅
• The victim asked for a last meal, and the killer said, “How about some cold cuts?” 🥪🔪
• The victim tried to run away, but his punchline was already written. 📝😵
• I asked the victim how he felt, and he said, “I’m on the edge of my life.” 🔪😱
• The victim saw the knife and said, “Guess it’s time to cut things short.” 🔪😬
• The victim yelled, “Wait, I thought this was a joke!” The killer replied, “It was—until you got involved.” 😈🔪
• Why did the victim laugh when he saw the knife? Because it was a killer punchline. 🤣🔪
• The victim tried to escape, but realized he was in too deep. 😵🔪
• I told the victim not to worry… things were going to be dead easy from now on. 😎💀

Killer Jokes

• Why did the killer become a comedian? He was always killing the crowd with his jokes. 😂🔪
• The killer walked into a bar and said, “I’ll have a bloody good time.” 🍷🔪
• When the killer joined the talent show, the judges said, “You’re deadly funny!” 😜🔪
• Why did the killer love gardening? Because he was great at digging up dirt on people. 🌱🔪
• The killer didn’t need a plan… he always just winged it. 🕊️🔪
• I asked the killer why he wore gloves, and he said, “Because I like to handle things delicately.” 🧤🔪
• The killer showed up to the party and said, “I’m just here to have a stab at some fun!” 😈🔪
• What did the killer say when he was caught? “Well, that’s a real cut to my reputation.” 😬🔪
• The killer always won at hide and seek… nobody could ever find him. 🕵️‍♂️🔪
• The killer didn’t laugh at the joke; he just gave me a sharp smile. 😏🔪
• Why did the killer bring a pillow to the crime scene? He wanted to make the victim’s last moments comfortable. 🛏️🔪
• The killer was a terrible barber… all his clients ended up with cuts. 💇‍♂️🔪
• When the killer was asked why he did it, he said, “Because I couldn’t resist the urge to slice.” 😈🔪
• The killer said he didn’t like knock-knock jokes because they were too predictable. 🚪🔪
• The killer thought he was funny, but his humor was a bit too cutthroat for my taste. 😜🔪
• Why did the killer always win at poker? Because he had the perfect poker face. 🃏🔪
• I told the killer his joke was killer, and he said, “That’s what I’m known for.” 😎🔪
• The killer said, “I don’t need a punchline, I’ve got the knife-line.” 🔪😏
• Why did the killer bring a ladder to the crime scene? He wanted to take his murder spree to the next level. 🪜🔪
• The killer joined the circus because he loved performing deadly stunts. 🎪🔪

Murder Weapon Jokes

• Why did the knife break up with the fork? It couldn’t handle the cutting edge lifestyle. 🔪🍴
• The gun said to the knife, “I’m bulletproof, but you’re just plain sharp.” 😎🔪
• When the rope heard about the murder, it said, “I’m just hanging in there.” 🪢😅
• Why did the poison have such a great sense of humor? It always knew how to leave a lasting impression. ☠️😂
• The murder weapon wasn’t found, but everyone agreed it was a real cut above the rest. 😏🔪
• I asked the knife why it was so quiet… it said, “I prefer to do my talking under the table.” 🍽️🔪
• The hammer said to the nails, “You guys really get hit hard.” And the nails replied, “That’s what we’re nailed to do.” 🔨😅
• Why don’t guns tell jokes? Because they always go off at the wrong time. 😜🔫
• The knife said, “I’m always on the edge, but it’s what keeps me sharp.” 😈🔪
• When the murder weapon was found, it said, “Well, I guess I’m the smoking gun.” 🔫💨
• The rope said, “I’m tied up right now, but I’ll swing by later.” 🪢😜
• Why did the poison go to therapy? Because it had some toxic issues. 😏☠️
• The murder weapon said, “I’m the real punchline in this crime.” 🤣🔪
• I asked the knife why it was so calm, and it said, “I always keep my cool under pressure.” 🧊🔪
• The hammer told the screwdriver, “Don’t worry, we’re all just tools in the end.” 🛠️😜
• The gun said, “I don’t miss—unless it’s on purpose.” 🔫😏
• The poison said, “I’m not here to sugarcoat anything. I’ll leave that to the candy.” 🍬☠️
• Why did the hammer break up with the wrench? Because it needed some space to nail things down. 😏🔨
• The rope said, “I’m tied up right now, but let’s hang out later.” 🪢😄
• Why did the knife win the argument? Because it had the sharpest points. 😏🔪

Dark Humor Jokes

• Why don’t ghosts ever tell jokes? Because they’re dead serious. 👻😏
• I told my friend a dark joke, and he said, “That’s too much… I’m dying.” 💀😂
• The murderer said, “I’m not a bad person, I just have deadly tendencies.” 😬🔪
• Why don’t people laugh at funeral jokes? Because they’re too grave. ⚰️😅
• I tried to make a dark joke at the crime scene, but it just didn’t land—too many dead bodies. 😵🤣
• What’s a murderer’s favorite joke? One that’s to die for. 😏💀
• The graveyard is the best place for dark humor… it’s full of people dying to get in. 😵⚰️
• I told my friend a murder joke, and he said, “That’s killer!” 😈🔪
• Why don’t cops laugh at dark humor? Because they’re too busy busting guts. 👮‍♂️😂
• When the executioner heard the punchline, he said, “Well, that was a real chop to the throat.” 😬🔪
• The ghost didn’t laugh at the joke… he said it was too spiritless. 👻😏
• Why did the vampire hate puns? Because they really suck the life out of him. 🧛‍♂️😅
• The zombie said, “I’m dead, but at least my sense of humor is undying.” 🧟‍♂️💀
• When the killer heard the dark joke, he said, “I’m not laughing, but I’m cutting up inside.” 😈🔪
• The cemetery was the quietest comedy club ever… everyone there was dead silent. ⚰️😵
• Why do vampires love dark humor? Because they’re used to things biting the dust. 🧛‍♀️😜
• The serial killer said, “I don’t joke much, but when I do, it’s to die for.” 😈🔪
• I told a grave joke, and everyone said, “Wow, that really hit the coffin!” ⚰️😏
• The grim reaper told me a joke, and I said, “Well, that was… killer.” 😜💀
• Why don’t executioners laugh at jokes? Because they always deliver the final punchline. 😏